on time

it is almost 11:30 pm, december 31 of 2017 eastern time, as i write this line.

i began this experiment sometime in 2009 i suppose partially as a challenge to one i then considered my friend, to get back to writing.

i moved away from this sometime in 2013 when i thought i had played my best cards and i was ready to go on and settle down and start a family and all that good stuff we are all told to be the thing to do.

yesterday i watched a movie titled "arrival" (or is it arrived?). prior to that i did some reading about the principles of hermeticism and curiously enough this movie deals with the concept of time in a way i never expected and that somehow, i am still not very sure how, it makes sense.

at the buddhist center the lesson went almost around the idea of attachment, the concept of it, and how the philosophy approaches it. and yet the theme of time got some involvement, at least in my head.

my point it, i have no point where i am trying to get actually. altough i notice the very common idea that goes around these days in this information world, and that is (nothing new) that this is a good time to reflect on what went on in 2017, and so i thought i will do the same.

with that idea in my mind i sat and noticed, that at least 3 year of my life have passed and without me thinking around those lines. not that i am missing anything i believe, it is just that i am not entirely sure about how this serves when the concept of time itself; chronology, is now not very clear to me. the use of it is not that clear to me even though i do understand the concept and the purpose of it.

but because i also do not have a better way to express my current idea of time, then i will stick to the old idea now.

anyway. the thing is, there is time to move the page in the calendar and think about the earnings, and taxes and festivities, and even the doctors appointments for the new year, 2018 of the current era.

cheers 

it's been years...

since the last time I wrote here, and my only question right now is, how do I log out?

feeling

falling in love may be one of the most stupid things you can do in your life

the more i tried to make sense of it the worst it gets

why not keep things simple?

but then, why keep things?

feeling love

under the city lights

mist, drizzle.  precipitation

messes up the windshield making it not fun and dangerous to go grocery shopping, not to mention commuting.

though it is perfect for a nice cool walk under the city lights. makes me feel alive.

the gas thank runs out quick and i feel my tank the same way. empty. hollow. without.

and though i grew up a nice guy, every once in a while i change that, cause the nice guy never gets the girl, and i want to get the girl every once in a while too.

homesick in the morning. in love on friday.

hollow still to the naked eye.

full filled to myself. cool like the drizzle under the city lights. alive like the spider on the door frame.

in love like the bull gazing at the moon in the lake. she's not really there. still love her.

wheels and tires

i look at the floor and i notice it needs cleaning. some fluid is lightly dripping down from the 13b

stop and look around, feeling the heartbreak and in front of me there it is my FC3S just standing there, cool and patient. and though it has 3 or 5 different tones of red and the paint is fading, it looks so beautiful.

so maybe it is really time to put the money and the effort and rebuild that gorgeous machine, the one I fell in love 5 years ago

running away

as she ran through the woods

had i known she was running away

uncertainty in the steps, stepping with care, hesitating

did noticed the look in her eyes were not the same

never thought "i love you" would make such a mess

"is she the love of my life...   certainly the one that i love most"    ...then i turned my gaze down and kept running, breathing, wondering

i never thought i would lost her this way. never intended to love her this way

now she's gone

once a friend said to me: "you can fall for any one, at any given time"

another friend said to me once: "you have no control, you just feel it"

now i am free

now i hold my tears, because that is what she wants

now i move on and go on, running away

i'm just a jelous guy

no one ever chose their family, it just happened.

when we go through life we encounter different people and things and we face different situations.

boyfriends and husbands always saw me as a tread i know for sure, i was clearly reminded of it. today i look at her in the eyes and she smiles back at me as i ask myself; is it possible i am falling here? is it just the thrill of challenging the rules? my own rules?

life puts every one in the right place, at the right time, and time is just a moment that goes away with every breath.

so i keep my feet on the ground as best as i can, and i live by my principles, and though this may be only meant to stay in our minds i have no intention to cut it out, just keep the idols in the altar and go to bed with your own dreams.