heart of glass

Words don't come easy today.

But I guess my eyes talk too much.

And I thing that she knows.

And I need to have some sleep, and try not to dream about her.

one more day goes by

Oneself goes trough life jumping over obstacles, running downhill or climbing uphill, speeding up, and slowing down.

One more day goes by and reminds me of the past long time gone. Something got erased from my memory, like broken floppy discs. And the words try to remind me of them but they are no longer here.

I sate at the big hole and gets me back to the time it happened and that I remember, because I can see it. And all those times I fell, and all the tears I cried.

There has times when I seem to lose hope, when I try to look forward and I see nothing to keep fighting for; then I think there most be a reason.

And it gets me thinking, how can anybody mess up a family for substances alien to reason. When you already have some to fight for, how can you forget about it, how can an illusion make you give up the good things in life.

So I still get up and run, and enjoy my hollow pleasure from the media dreaming of places far away and high speed machines flying trough time telling stories some will write in books and try to live for ever.

Walk to the site faking my wishes of seeing that someone I saw last night in my dreams, but I can't fool myself, and I feel so insecure once again, and I hesitate to let go, but I love her laughter, and the way she talks.

I feel so week but I have to stand tall, and think of the magic man, and thing of the distance. But all that I really need is a real smoothie, this one was awful... as one more day goes by.

like a stone

energy and matter play at different ways depending on the inputs: speed, temperature, time.

i believe we are still animals, and being animals that means we are living organisms; in other words, we are matter. as matter we are still able to stretch, bend, freeze, crack and all the other possibilities. all depends on the input.

matter is energy.

live gives us its energy in so many ways, and some times those ways get a little twisted, sudden not smooth. and when energy moves violently or concentrates in a single point things usually transform; sometimes they break.

applying punctual force to a surface can defeat its surface tension. dad likes to eat pecans from the trees, so we brings the nut cracker and gets the nut out of the shell. if you try to crack a coconut you will need to get another tool.

these last two weeks have been challenging somehow and got me thinking i'm more like a stone. a friend told me once my structures is like it, ready to take the hits and stand to them. but today i think i'm more like a rubber ball, it is easier to break the stone's surface by hitting over and over again. the rubber is not going to break.

the clown can go ahead and try to bring me down but he's not getting that from me. i will come back and do things right, and thinks of how to manage the issue, and not to panic and yell like a bitch at the slightest sign of pressure.

but for now, what i need is to hold on to... oh, no... i forgot my tea.

...on the fast lane

I used to take the left lane and look back in my mirrors scanning for cops. The best way to stay out of trouble, is to stick to the rules. It's easy.

When Monday was pretty quiet, all of a sudden the middle of Wednesday morning turns loud and stresses out everyone but me. I still need to fix me a cup of tea.

Some people think and some just react, those who are reactive use to get me upset but these days I have more important things to care about. Still those of them whom react, will never get my respect. And it only gets worst when this one decides to threaten me. An idiot is an idiot everywhere in the world, in every language.

Now those more important things come back to me and push me out of the comfort zone. It's is like every plan I had at the beginning of the year will have to wait until everybody else problems are solved.

I'm still following the rules as close as I can, and I look back at the rear view mirror and the blue lights are closing in too quickly driving on the fast lane. They go away after someone else. There is no sound, there is no struggle and I get back to this monitor getting ready to fix me a new cup of tea tomorrow sometime in the morning. And I still have to pay all the bills.

falling

share some thoughts under the moon light, and just a couple of words stay in my mind all week long. just two simple words that sounded so sweet, so sweet in her voice.

all week long hearing her name in every song, from every screen on every street. and I found myself calling her name and after the sun hides I see her face, and she is so sweet.

and I finally realize I may be falling, falling again, after all that pain, and somehow I don't mind, but I still remain hesitant, still afraid of falling

keep on turning

Look around and see the faces I didn't see for more than a couple of years. The neighbor is today at my former location south of the border and my manager is in the building but I can't see him.

Come back home and there are no news, but when I asked later the surprise shakes me hard. I never expected this. As an old man says, "it just keeps getting better"; but I'm just looking forward to get my next pay check, that's all I want to know but my head keeps on turning somewhere else.

I've been called stupid and I've been called Carlos; maybe stupid fits better. While I remember the couple of times I've been so close to death, and all I want to think of is dark chocolate, I don't care about the pay check anymore.

Funny thing is I never had money, and my life was so easy. Now I have all these bills to pay and they get me scared. But that's not what steals my sleep at night: it is her voice speaking my language.

voices of the night

Back home after seeing some unleashed excess on the dance floor. The way back is not supposed to be the best one anyway, and the voices of the night tell me how wrong I've being all this time, but I don't want to listen.

How I wish we could be innocent as child again; bring back those days when rules are clear and no mind or word games are played. What are we hiding from anyway?

Sometimes time runs out of my hand, and sometimes I don't care.

I'm not driving, so I'll tell you where to turn, and you will take me there. Who is in control now? Control over what? Yesterday I wanted to know that was the name of the game. Today I don't care, I just want to have fun, like Cindy Lauper and her girls, even when I have no idea how they look like.

the long narrow isle

there he goes, jumping and stumbling all over the place searching for someone to point his finger to

won't you grow up? you can always think but you chose panic mode, that's the just the way you are. won't you dare to listen?

i go down the long narrow isle front up high, because i know you don't know what you should know, and you don't even care

i saw the blue and green jolly happy words that warm up my heart and i smile, i saw those little baby eyes and made me smile again. no panic mode for me, i have better things to do

like have some sleep 'cause tomorrow you will be jumping around again, Haha! just don't set me up

into the night

got up early into the night, nothing is going on outside, it's just rolling round in my head.

the morning goes for a long time and i don't know how many bills i need to pay, but it tighter every time.

the job is almost done and i'm somehow restless; want more but don't know what... time?

now the night runs long and i need to find some sleep to get even when my eyes grow heavy.

it's not such a big deal, it's just ... a dream.

no more tears

Enough of the cryptic writings.

Thins are supposed to be simple.... well, things in life are supposed to be simple. Not, but you know what I mean.

Truth is that most of us have the tendency to follow into a routine. One friend told to me: "Now you need to buy a house so you can integrate to the conversation and talk about land mowers." Yeah right.

So I stepped out the door earlier than usual and got to the food store and got a couple of things, I've never been a grill guy really, but I need to get integrated to the conversation somehow to start the weekend like a just another regular guy. And beers should fit into it but they didn't. Awkward for a while but I drunk them at the end.

Then moved to a more "regular" set but we are aliens anyway, so couldn't be that regular, whatever, it was a good time out in the summer night chilling out.

Next day fighting mosquitoes and flies all day round, getting parts in and out, making noise and drinking any kind or beverage but alcohol, sweating like crazy again. Getting nothing done in the end.

The thing is, there was some kind of plan but never got to work really, all times got mixed up, people and places moved in unexpected ways when I was not in the mood for people for some reason I'm not aware of. And the night ended running in the dark to the emergency room for nothing, getting late everywhere.

I still don't know why I'm writing this, its just too boring.

10 minutes later

Not a routine day, yet. Got out, wake up, get there.

Silence gets loud and when everybody is talking lights go out leaving my gaze in the darkness as words swing around to get the chance to say hi to so many I don't usually do.

Power out send me back the way I came and 10 minutes later it resumes back while I'm already long on the road.

The day comes in from different directions and I do things I would usually do at another time by the sunlight, but I'm cool.

Go back at the scheduled time and they start giving me hell not because I was not there, but for coming back with a little suitcase, "my purse" they said. And I'm still cool as the rest of the journey runs as it use to do, not so cool for the guy in the corner... not that corner.

So what am I supposed to do when the usual setting changes, and I have no keys; to overheat again? no, I'm not going there for a second time.

It's good to have plans for a change.

some days it rains

some days just go by. sun rises, sun sets...

some days live goes frugal trying to get the less energy spent. don't waste my time.

cast a glaze upon the wall, and it's empty.

some days it rains.

never forget key information

When the mirror rooms turns into the dark room things get dizzy and I can see her eyes. Love those eyes. And my mind submerges deep into a fuzzy dream, and I can see her eyes.

The air around feels so dense today, it's not the same that it was yesterday. It's not the air from the night. It's gray and its not easy to open my eyes, but the day walks fast with cars rolling up and down. Shopping.

Spaces open and close, but I keep forgetting the keys, which gets me to the next place, and the next after that.

The sky opens too and the forest surrounds my breath when I need to pull, just because I forgot an important key. The sky closes to my sight in plain sun shine when the blood struggles to go around once more. Legs hesitate, lungs try to collapse until I find the hose, life comes back trough my mouth and all I want to do is breathe.

The road turns into a save heaven after a couple of turns and I can't even speak, but I could drive back, so slow, so scared until the light shines brighter under the cloudy sky that makes me feel so hungry, then the turns get faster and faster.

So close and so far, nobody would know when the world turns at different pace for moments for different persons. Got to the past and to the future about 20 minutes in the distance and my pants are falling down.

10 minutes turn into an hour and I finally get to eat, and no one would know, but all the room smells to salmon for the night and the fridge looks strangely full and I don't know where she is.

I think I deserve some green chilaquiles next day in life.