Felt under control, and failed.
Got upset, and lost.
Stand so close, and faltered.
Passed the window and everything looks so different, so real.
Should probably pull back and relax, leave the thinking for calm wind times. And I thought that I was strong.
Tomorrow I'll be back on track, I can see clearer now that the cloud gave place for the moonshine.
Sweet dreams.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
good morning
...how y'all doing today? nice, nice.
Something like that goes the sound of the morning around 7 am then all faces turn to the monitors again, like we are working so hard. Around 40 minutes later breakfast J shows up and get's the early meal. Wonder why not taking his time to do so in the company of his family, not that I car too much.
Terrorists in the news get us back to the witch hunt, stereotyping and amazement of people finding out that "one of them is part of the group". And the congress man ask, how can this be happening right here. Well, go to your closest pawn shop and you will see. I've heard shooting every weekend for four consecutive weeks now. Welcome to gun nation.
Two seats from mine, gun show talks and talks about barrels and stuff, ammo and money, it's all so beautiful, so many options, so many places to go and feel the liberating sound and kick of a hand gun, or a shotgun, or a semiautomatic. While the voice keeps drilling deep into your hears, you better get you an i-pod.
Anyway, after three weeks away, it's time to give the old guy a hug and have some fun before things get serious. Just take it easy, there's some more time to spend.
Something like that goes the sound of the morning around 7 am then all faces turn to the monitors again, like we are working so hard. Around 40 minutes later breakfast J shows up and get's the early meal. Wonder why not taking his time to do so in the company of his family, not that I car too much.
Terrorists in the news get us back to the witch hunt, stereotyping and amazement of people finding out that "one of them is part of the group". And the congress man ask, how can this be happening right here. Well, go to your closest pawn shop and you will see. I've heard shooting every weekend for four consecutive weeks now. Welcome to gun nation.
Two seats from mine, gun show talks and talks about barrels and stuff, ammo and money, it's all so beautiful, so many options, so many places to go and feel the liberating sound and kick of a hand gun, or a shotgun, or a semiautomatic. While the voice keeps drilling deep into your hears, you better get you an i-pod.
Anyway, after three weeks away, it's time to give the old guy a hug and have some fun before things get serious. Just take it easy, there's some more time to spend.
Monday, July 27, 2009
what are your expectations?
Walk back to reality when nobody seems to care. Could get there with my eyes shout easy now, and it does not take too long.
Back in that room again, green tea, in the company of no one, talking business.
Seek into my hours and found the reflection of hidden lost dreams from the near future, when the big guy tries to find the solution to no problem, running round and round, giving directions to a broken wheel.
The bright light turns gray in the way to the bones, while I look around thinking of goals that need to wait for more days than nights to come. And sing to the voice of Janet. Como luna menguante.
Found a new light in the dark yellow room, found myself in yet a new world, long unknown for me when it was just in front of my eyes. But the rain was not here tonight.
Nothing left to write.
Back in that room again, green tea, in the company of no one, talking business.
Seek into my hours and found the reflection of hidden lost dreams from the near future, when the big guy tries to find the solution to no problem, running round and round, giving directions to a broken wheel.
The bright light turns gray in the way to the bones, while I look around thinking of goals that need to wait for more days than nights to come. And sing to the voice of Janet. Como luna menguante.
Found a new light in the dark yellow room, found myself in yet a new world, long unknown for me when it was just in front of my eyes. But the rain was not here tonight.
Nothing left to write.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
the color of the night
Do we spend time? do we spend energy?
Some spend their weekends mowing, others chilling out at the swimming pool.
Two days sweating outside, around 90 degrees among the sound of kids play, seniors walking and rolling around, some bitching and the wrenches turning bolts and nuts.
Under the metal there's dust and oil, ants underneath and spiders over. Some weed looking for fresh air and the rays of the sun and rock breaking my back; there's no blood this time but I still get the sanding feeling or the dirt when I drink from my bottle, and I know what it is in this one.
Wheel go by and there's something in the air, waiting.
Soon the light runs out and right when the routine is ready to strike back, something urgent comes and we get to the road a bit far away, in a place of the world I never was before. There's people on the street, there are police cars lurking, and a very quiet atmosphere even when there's no trust, and no respect.
Now time to go back, and the ride turns into drive and I'm there pushing to only two pedals, and moving a machine 4 times bigger than I use to move, trough the night, trough a lonely road, when all of a sudden two standing figures show up in the middle of the road, in the middle of nowhere... and in the middle of the night.
Tension keeps building up and I don't like it, but I'm there in the dirt, sweating turning wrenches, pouring substances into iron and aluminum when human nature makes it's presence and all gets loud, there's anger and confusion, frustration and noise, all part of human nature.
As the night falls again, the sweat stops but it's time to go down in the dirt, lay over the oily rocks that want to break my spirit, and the fire goes on, all the way, everywhere, and there's shouting and bitching, and now I can't take it anymore.
Grab my wheel, turn my lights on and head west. At the sound of my lonely engine everything seems from a different perspective, and the night turns redish warm and soft, and it takes me to me, inside where no one has ever really been. And I smile and think of a name.
Some spend their weekends mowing, others chilling out at the swimming pool.
Two days sweating outside, around 90 degrees among the sound of kids play, seniors walking and rolling around, some bitching and the wrenches turning bolts and nuts.
Under the metal there's dust and oil, ants underneath and spiders over. Some weed looking for fresh air and the rays of the sun and rock breaking my back; there's no blood this time but I still get the sanding feeling or the dirt when I drink from my bottle, and I know what it is in this one.
Wheel go by and there's something in the air, waiting.
Soon the light runs out and right when the routine is ready to strike back, something urgent comes and we get to the road a bit far away, in a place of the world I never was before. There's people on the street, there are police cars lurking, and a very quiet atmosphere even when there's no trust, and no respect.
Now time to go back, and the ride turns into drive and I'm there pushing to only two pedals, and moving a machine 4 times bigger than I use to move, trough the night, trough a lonely road, when all of a sudden two standing figures show up in the middle of the road, in the middle of nowhere... and in the middle of the night.
Tension keeps building up and I don't like it, but I'm there in the dirt, sweating turning wrenches, pouring substances into iron and aluminum when human nature makes it's presence and all gets loud, there's anger and confusion, frustration and noise, all part of human nature.
As the night falls again, the sweat stops but it's time to go down in the dirt, lay over the oily rocks that want to break my spirit, and the fire goes on, all the way, everywhere, and there's shouting and bitching, and now I can't take it anymore.
Grab my wheel, turn my lights on and head west. At the sound of my lonely engine everything seems from a different perspective, and the night turns redish warm and soft, and it takes me to me, inside where no one has ever really been. And I smile and think of a name.
Friday, July 24, 2009
all four tires
in high performance driving they call this move a "four wheel drift", and it's very likely that you'll get sound out of it. Rain changes everything. Well, not really, but it's much more gentle with the rubber, much more easy to loose control what makes it unsafe.
things get a different output when you are driving back from the restaurant when the lunch break gets to the end, and the guy who's always talking how crazy he is when driving freaks out completely when the tires begin to scream.
which brings me to the perspective things can get to depending on: the person, the time, light, wind, water or whatever, the number or permutations tends to infinite. Like more than a year ago when I was a different being somehow, and tried from a very weak approach to get to... just to say "hi".
walking out, got my tires drifting out of the old ways. It's still scary sometimes, to hear the subtle voice of the rubber against the pavement, and the feel of all your weight moving at the command of your foot; looking at the faces around, letting go and grabbing the leash of the situation at the same time.
get to work in a diverse environment makes thing interesting, and helps you get to know and learn if your mind is open enough, otherwise it only makes things worst, and also provides comedians a good source for stupid jokes, straight up.
all depending of who she really is, and what she really means in your live. Depending of where are you standing, if there's air condition running or you are outside sweating under the summer sky in the middle of the forest or right by the shore.
and at the end of the day he keeps on talking how vulnerable you can feel seating in the passenger side while the car sweeps around the curve when the tires scream and the engine roars. And you come to meet a friend, then head back to your own place which all of a sudden you notice needs a little bit of attention too.
i better come up with a plan for tomorrow, poor man's style.
things get a different output when you are driving back from the restaurant when the lunch break gets to the end, and the guy who's always talking how crazy he is when driving freaks out completely when the tires begin to scream.
which brings me to the perspective things can get to depending on: the person, the time, light, wind, water or whatever, the number or permutations tends to infinite. Like more than a year ago when I was a different being somehow, and tried from a very weak approach to get to... just to say "hi".
walking out, got my tires drifting out of the old ways. It's still scary sometimes, to hear the subtle voice of the rubber against the pavement, and the feel of all your weight moving at the command of your foot; looking at the faces around, letting go and grabbing the leash of the situation at the same time.
get to work in a diverse environment makes thing interesting, and helps you get to know and learn if your mind is open enough, otherwise it only makes things worst, and also provides comedians a good source for stupid jokes, straight up.
all depending of who she really is, and what she really means in your live. Depending of where are you standing, if there's air condition running or you are outside sweating under the summer sky in the middle of the forest or right by the shore.
and at the end of the day he keeps on talking how vulnerable you can feel seating in the passenger side while the car sweeps around the curve when the tires scream and the engine roars. And you come to meet a friend, then head back to your own place which all of a sudden you notice needs a little bit of attention too.
i better come up with a plan for tomorrow, poor man's style.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
remember the time
I was forcing myself to make this impressive.
But we are all humans, we are still animals. And we all make mistakes. I've just been making too many lately.
And remember that time when I fell and nobody was there to pick me up. I stood up and all the important ones where there for me. Yet some days I still stand up and walk alone.
Some times I just stare at the glass and don't know what to do. At times it's clear and others it's faded, as I try to find the spirit.
I saw the face behind the glass. I saw my dream passing trough fast and I wonder...
But we are all humans, we are still animals. And we all make mistakes. I've just been making too many lately.
And remember that time when I fell and nobody was there to pick me up. I stood up and all the important ones where there for me. Yet some days I still stand up and walk alone.
Some times I just stare at the glass and don't know what to do. At times it's clear and others it's faded, as I try to find the spirit.
I saw the face behind the glass. I saw my dream passing trough fast and I wonder...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
feels like dog eat dog
What is it called when you have a problem and someone else makes sure everyone but you notices you are in deep crap? I don't think that's even civilized but it happens anyhow.
But the world is larger than that, and when the windows seem to be closing down somebody comes asking for advice for the real life.
Everybody's gonna get what they need and we will go back home to contemplate the falling rain... or watch TV... or write words on the screen.
if only... if only...
But the world is larger than that, and when the windows seem to be closing down somebody comes asking for advice for the real life.
Everybody's gonna get what they need and we will go back home to contemplate the falling rain... or watch TV... or write words on the screen.
if only... if only...
Monday, July 20, 2009
signs and symols
Some well known, some very explicit (stop) but yet some so subtle. And some misunderstood.
Get there early just to find a failure in the system, sit in front of the void waiting for the key master. Attend the meeting where the words try to warn me about things to come, but i'm so sleepy.
Take a cup and ease the craves for some morning sugar and then things appear to come back to normal and it only releases hell. A one week job turns into a two and a half weeks nightmare. You better run for cover.
Then finally some time to relax, she looks so good and then I realize the ring in her hand. Turn around and go home, that's the way to go this day.
Get there early just to find a failure in the system, sit in front of the void waiting for the key master. Attend the meeting where the words try to warn me about things to come, but i'm so sleepy.
Take a cup and ease the craves for some morning sugar and then things appear to come back to normal and it only releases hell. A one week job turns into a two and a half weeks nightmare. You better run for cover.
Then finally some time to relax, she looks so good and then I realize the ring in her hand. Turn around and go home, that's the way to go this day.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
the world i know
It was a couple of weeks ago when talking and listening I noticed we were jumping between so different worlds.
I just walk out my door and two worlds get together, not colliding but anyway. We are all under the same sky, even across the ocean. As that girl with the blue eyes told me at shore: "it's amazing these are the same waters they had to come across to get here so many year ago, and we are standing here on vacation"
I walked across one more gate to a different universe I got before and nothing was the same, even internally I was walking into a strange dimension within myself. So strange I forgot to get me something to drink, and damn it's hot out there.
I just walk out my door and two worlds get together, not colliding but anyway. We are all under the same sky, even across the ocean. As that girl with the blue eyes told me at shore: "it's amazing these are the same waters they had to come across to get here so many year ago, and we are standing here on vacation"
I walked across one more gate to a different universe I got before and nothing was the same, even internally I was walking into a strange dimension within myself. So strange I forgot to get me something to drink, and damn it's hot out there.
Friday, July 17, 2009
what's it the bottle?
Fish.
That's what she said. So I had fish and now i'm hungry.
Went into the cyberspace again to try to find what people can't tell me, maybe I was not asking the right people. And my monitor tells me the market is across the street... I should had known.
No schedule and no hurry, my mind sets there again, in the blank canvas of time, and I can see how wrong I was, while my neck keeps popping; need to take a break and I wonder what's really in the bottle? I may need to turn off the TV.
That's what she said. So I had fish and now i'm hungry.
Went into the cyberspace again to try to find what people can't tell me, maybe I was not asking the right people. And my monitor tells me the market is across the street... I should had known.
No schedule and no hurry, my mind sets there again, in the blank canvas of time, and I can see how wrong I was, while my neck keeps popping; need to take a break and I wonder what's really in the bottle? I may need to turn off the TV.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
30 minutes to midnight
Things have been slow for 30 year, and all of a sudden I noticed there's more out there. Game, sport, culture and the opposite too. I've been around very optimistic, and pretty lonely too.
Tonight I talk to a new person in my life. Well, she's not really in my life but the moment will remain in it. And while talking I just ran out of words, like many other times, ended the conversation and walked away.
Met someone who has been for a short time in my life and chat for some minutes, and then a big guy shows up and take his cloths off... except for the thong. Awkward? Yes, just a bit, in the end you see those guys on the cover of Flex Magazine and stuff like that. And then it's time to go home.
In this "new" world you can "see" your friends without actually seeing them. So I talked to a friend about this new things in my life and got some advice when I noticed it's already 30 minutes to midnight and tomorrow a long day awaits for me at work, surrounded by people talking about guns, golf, fishing and finding a place to go and get a cheeseburger.
Tonight I talk to a new person in my life. Well, she's not really in my life but the moment will remain in it. And while talking I just ran out of words, like many other times, ended the conversation and walked away.
Met someone who has been for a short time in my life and chat for some minutes, and then a big guy shows up and take his cloths off... except for the thong. Awkward? Yes, just a bit, in the end you see those guys on the cover of Flex Magazine and stuff like that. And then it's time to go home.
In this "new" world you can "see" your friends without actually seeing them. So I talked to a friend about this new things in my life and got some advice when I noticed it's already 30 minutes to midnight and tomorrow a long day awaits for me at work, surrounded by people talking about guns, golf, fishing and finding a place to go and get a cheeseburger.
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