time

and then there's no time.

went trough the beginning knowing the time was coming. And words came so hard so fast, just like the rain falling to my windshield.

think about my aches and pains, and remember those days in the wet hot night, under the lights at the park; and nothing matters, no one cares.

i wonder what is time for you know.

got to the resting time thinking, flying away, walking through the mountains of time among the memories, the smiles and burning socks, dirty plates in the sink and nothing seems to be important now, or then.

one voice far away spits the anger grown during the days of laughing and smoke... the other voice is not there, there's no voice, there's no time but a reminder.

and i call again, and one girl ignores, and the other girl plays; but i'm not into playing anyway, i want no games, 'm not a player.

in the dark i blow out and my eyes look around, and i feel so upset and then i think it doesn't really matter; it's just a moment in time, when for some time is money, for others there's no time.

go back to my own private self and i wonder how close was i that day; and i breath deep and i know i was not that close, not for a long time. but how it is to have it inside, how is it to know there's no chance, there's no time. how is it to know it... but there's no voice on the line, no answer.

i try to forget about it, i try to use the concepts and ideas, not the feelings and when i think i'm succeeding i fall again, and i worry about it. i feel, and i fall.

you are leaving us my friend, and take part of us with you, but you will always be part of our lives too... until there's no more time.

blackout

I want to face all the challenges of life, without fear. And my head feels like blowing up and my sight gets blurry at times, and reminds me how fragile we are. Reminds me everything will come to an end one way or another. But the day I worry about it, it's gone.

I listened to the voice from the other side and decided not to grieve anymore. Because I have no time for this, even when I have all the time to waste my time. And I didn't see her eyes, and I didn't hear her voice.

Always struggled to open up, and today I struggle to feel. And what would make me smile, just keeps me wondering while I stare at the photographs. Up until I stare at that little chubby face again and that smile finally gets me.

Then I feel how my nose gets colder and got back to the chill of last night when I saw her eyes again. When I fell for a dream again. But the night is still young and there's no need to rush.

And it's always good to get out from time to time and spend in different ways and not just pay bills. The balls roll, the guitars play and the tires squeal, setting up for a new day under the sun, under the stars above, up there in the sky.

I keep going until my body begs for some rest; eyes begging for a needed blackout. I'll give them what they need.

esta noche

...y paso una vez mas por la sombra viendo mi sangre correr lentamente. Y el viento mojado roza mis labios y juega con mis pestañas.

Y mis recuerdos vuelven al momento en que no te dije adios.

Keep smiling

"Isn't it amazing?, its the same sea and in the other side there's Europe" she said, standing on the shore bare feet.

Have been inside the capsule for so long, just staying away from the parts of the world I've never been before. I miss the mountain and I miss the sea. Not for so long I will.

I see the same faces, and new ones, and the voices sound familiar but distant still. It's a quiet place during the dark hours, but not this time. Sun sets and the engines are still running so fast, so hot. And the smoke climbs out of the grill and we have a good time, good meat and good loud chat under the tree, with the guys racing around for hours and hours.

Found myself into a hot room, surrounded by strangers, just like every other time of the year when I go trough the border lines and the security check points and nobody speaks my language, and I'm asked again if I'm "brasileiro". Like flags and nations make sense to me.

Cast my eyes to the sky and I see her so gorgeous, staring at me, so bright and clear I almost forget to watch the road, but I make it home across the railroads and into the woods. Should I call this home?

It is good to take a different road every once in a while, I just hope the next time I'll keep going. Finally got the message but it's too late now, this is a story we wouldn't share, but it doesn't matter. It never matters really if you think about it. She still smiles at me, and struggles to get what I'm trying to say when I'm short of breath.

Now my head pays me tricks and I get confused about what I feel, and when I feel it, and now another one touches my bones but I'm not sure, I close my eyes when all my ideas disappear. She used to be the apple of my eye. Now my eyes are open shout and my heart belongs nowhere.

So many thins left unspoken. But I still enjoy all those wonderful curries, I could do it every other day. And like my drinks warm too. Pleasures from distant places, so close and yet so far.

I see myself as a paradox trying to understand and know the reasons why, when I'm convinced that not everything needs to be understood. Then I lay back and let it flow. Then I turn around and start searching for some reason why.

Today the sky gives me water, and I can't see the moon. What I can see is my mind drifting away from my butt as I seat tall down on the floor, but it still hurts; my body is not there yet, in the place where I want it to be, even when I know there is not such place, there is no body... nobody.

It's funny how some gazes look for me, while others try to avoid. And it's funny how thing you thought are now opposed. I though I knew, now I know the more I see the less I know, and the more I hear the more I learn. Learning how to unlearn. And I'm getting small.

"Keep smiling, and you'll keep the rest of us confused" I was told. Maybe there's the reason for my smile. It's enough of a reason from me and I can't find a reason not to do it. I'll keep on smiling.