Keep smiling

"Isn't it amazing?, its the same sea and in the other side there's Europe" she said, standing on the shore bare feet.

Have been inside the capsule for so long, just staying away from the parts of the world I've never been before. I miss the mountain and I miss the sea. Not for so long I will.

I see the same faces, and new ones, and the voices sound familiar but distant still. It's a quiet place during the dark hours, but not this time. Sun sets and the engines are still running so fast, so hot. And the smoke climbs out of the grill and we have a good time, good meat and good loud chat under the tree, with the guys racing around for hours and hours.

Found myself into a hot room, surrounded by strangers, just like every other time of the year when I go trough the border lines and the security check points and nobody speaks my language, and I'm asked again if I'm "brasileiro". Like flags and nations make sense to me.

Cast my eyes to the sky and I see her so gorgeous, staring at me, so bright and clear I almost forget to watch the road, but I make it home across the railroads and into the woods. Should I call this home?

It is good to take a different road every once in a while, I just hope the next time I'll keep going. Finally got the message but it's too late now, this is a story we wouldn't share, but it doesn't matter. It never matters really if you think about it. She still smiles at me, and struggles to get what I'm trying to say when I'm short of breath.

Now my head pays me tricks and I get confused about what I feel, and when I feel it, and now another one touches my bones but I'm not sure, I close my eyes when all my ideas disappear. She used to be the apple of my eye. Now my eyes are open shout and my heart belongs nowhere.

So many thins left unspoken. But I still enjoy all those wonderful curries, I could do it every other day. And like my drinks warm too. Pleasures from distant places, so close and yet so far.

I see myself as a paradox trying to understand and know the reasons why, when I'm convinced that not everything needs to be understood. Then I lay back and let it flow. Then I turn around and start searching for some reason why.

Today the sky gives me water, and I can't see the moon. What I can see is my mind drifting away from my butt as I seat tall down on the floor, but it still hurts; my body is not there yet, in the place where I want it to be, even when I know there is not such place, there is no body... nobody.

It's funny how some gazes look for me, while others try to avoid. And it's funny how thing you thought are now opposed. I though I knew, now I know the more I see the less I know, and the more I hear the more I learn. Learning how to unlearn. And I'm getting small.

"Keep smiling, and you'll keep the rest of us confused" I was told. Maybe there's the reason for my smile. It's enough of a reason from me and I can't find a reason not to do it. I'll keep on smiling.