face it

for a reason that nobody cares, i try to stay calm and collected, even when i'm exited riding in an jetplane.

the day and minutes go slow when the aisles of the airport are know things that repeat themselves year after year.

and as most things go as planned i enjoy the warmth and the flavors that get me to younger years.

funny how things can come to you in the moment you less expect them to come, and this time is not different to that.

the day grows long when the road takes you from east to west, back to east and then south where the streets area older and the chills grow through the bones. all of the sudden the places and colors belong to those younger years when she was still around and the void fills up the embrace of that sweet memory of things that will never be again.

we never did it before, not this way, but we were there walking all over avoiding the crowd between the cars and buses walking walking.

she dresses up and he follows the rite too, and we are part together thanks to the ideas and prejudices of the ones we long loved and still want to trust, and the smiles stay for the rest the evening and up into the night. it's never like the fist one, but i decide i'm going to live it this time, just to see how it is, it's their party after all, and not mine.

and funny it is that i thing about her all the time.

i feel tired in the way back but i still want to thing of something else, and the time to spend, cause i want to spend more time, still the news keep coming in ways we wouldn't want to get them, nobody wants to know about the grieve.

the sickness runs through the muscles of my neck up to my forehead, and we met in the place no one wants to ever meet. the sounds are mute, and the eyes watery like melting ice, and it's not quite nice but we're still together, even when there're no reasons to cheer.

and as the night gets colder, my head gets stuffed and i find a halo of anxiety around that gate, when i still thing about the words i should say when all i want to do is leave.

i think i deal with it every day of my live, still i was so hesitant walking though that door. and i believe that ever since that moment when the view turned dark and i walked out from upside down, my fears intensified and now i want to stay farther away.

but the moment for me has come to walk forward and face it, to stare directly at the casket and to accept that one day we all will be there, and that we all will leave love behind weather we want it or not. meanwhile others will keep breathing, hugging and shearing, fighting and traveling.

and it's always closer that we would like it to be, it's always around, sometimes so clear we can just wait, and sometimes will take us by surprise, so quick yet so natural. as natural as getting up to have a sip of water. there's where i will go to one day.